


Living The Dream/Nightmare

by JustMoreLokiFics



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (what even are tags), Dreams, F/M, I'm back at this yay, King Loki, Loki wins, Loki-centric, it's been a while since I wrote anything for the wonderful Loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 12:45:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12531712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustMoreLokiFics/pseuds/JustMoreLokiFics
Summary: "At nearly 19 there are all sorts of big choices to make. What if you could choose to go through a door and into another world? What if everyone has the choice between two worlds, and they don't know which is which, but one is their dream and one is their nightmare. Would you risk choosing? What if you only had one when you were meant to have two? What will life be like on the other side of your door?





	Living The Dream/Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey I'm back finally and I'm still never going to finish my other fics sorry.
> 
> This one is better I promise.

My world was a mundane one, if you ignored the visions. And the cave.

We knew we weren’t the only world out there, because we dreamt of others in perfect detail.

Some people’s dreams simply showed a world like this one but without the dreams. Others were far less ordinary.

Most people had dreams and nightmares. One world they see is perfect, the other profoundly wrong. Some people’s nightmares could be other's dreams. 

The dreams and nightmares of destined enemies were reversed, their greatest desires and deepest fears exactly opposed.

Soulmates dreamt the same, though they rarely shared nightmares.

The cave was remote, hard to find and harder to reach. Most dreamers visited it at least once in their lives, and most came back, telling of two doors and the knowledge that if they choose wrong they would be trapped in their nightmare.

Some chose a door. They didn’t come back, and we never found them again. We all prayed that they found their dream, not their nightmare.

—

I only had one vision and I’m really not sure if it was a dream or a nightmare.

Apparently there have been people in the past with only one vision. People with a destiny so strong that it is perfect in its horror. They often tried to reach the cave and were stopped. A journey to the cave was rarely taken alone and although you may not have set out as friends you will know each-other’s pasts by journey’s end.

I was reading a book, beneath my covers for fear of others knowing about my vision, the book that the last single dreamer left behind when he eventually escaped through his door.

It told of his journey, and the people he traveled with. It told of their dreams and nightmares, shared around campfires and in tents. It told of their disbelief that someone could have only one vision, then of their fear and anger as they grew jealous that he would not face the threat of the nightmare.

Eventually it told of his companions barring the entry to the cave, forcing him to turn back alone.

The people he left behind assumed he had gone through a door and prayed that he chose right, unaware that he did not face a choice at all.

The people who barred the cave from him never told what they had done and he had no way to get home alone. They assumed he was dead.

He was not dead.

The next night he tried to slip into the cave and was noticed.

The third night he was successful. He saw his door but could not go through. His visions had been as terrifying as they were perfect and he didn’t know if he could face it. He did not go through the door. Instead he wrote the book I was reading and left it on the trail with a note. 

_“I go through a door tonight. Please take this back to the city when you go.”_

It was not unusual for people who chose to leave to send a message home behind them, so it was carried back without question, amongst the several others left by the last group of travelers. It was taken by his city and added to the archive after they read of his tale. People discussed it, and eventually decided to dub people like him ‘Single Dreamers’ after more tales came forward.

That was how the book got into my hands and that is how I knew I had to go through my door.

—

It was two weeks before I finished school, then, as most do, I was going with my classmates to the cave. Most wouldn’t not go through that day, planning to return later in life. Some went without hesitation, those ones brought sadness, to leave without question usually means that everything you knew had been worse than your nightmare.

I would go through my door, I just needed to get there.

—

I had spent years dreaming of the same thing. Sometimes it felt like a dream, others a nightmare.

I dreamt of a world in chaos and disarray.  
I dreamt of disaster and death.  
I dreamt of a glorious ruler rising from the ashes of the fallen world.  
I dreamt of Him.

He was terrifying and perfect.  
He was beautiful and monstrous.  
He was a demon.  
He was an angel.  
He was the core of my destiny.  
He was Loki.

I could not tell anyone of my destiny and dream. Instead, I had spent years crafting a pair of lies. A nightmare and a dream. My ‘dream’ was simple and safe, a home and children, security and love. My ‘nightmare’ was war and destruction leaving nothing behind.

Neither of these were uncommon, and my classmates believed me when I told them.

That had worked well, but the visions get stronger as people travel towards the cave. Most people talked in their sleep on the last few nights, revealing their dreams and nightmares. I couldn’t let that happen. If my vision was revealed, they would bar my way as has happened to single dreamers over and over again.

I had felt the pull of the cave from the first night I had my vision, my 16th birthday. It had been nearly three years since that first dream and it was as if I physically could not stay away any longer.

I fell asleep and dreamt of Him again. Every story was different but He was always the same. Raven hair, a slim build hiding incredible strength, a green cape and golden helm. That night He caused destruction through which He walked with his head held high. His army cleared the way and subdued civilians. He was beautiful but in His eyes was a glint of madness.

Other nights His eyes showed only mischief, saving people destroyed by others. But that night, He conquered.

—

The two weeks passed, and with growing excitement the class planned their journey. We would follow the path forged through history and we would camp where others before us had camped.

As was tradition, we left the night after our graduation. There was a second ceremony, smaller, from which we left together, gathered our supplies, and set off into the night.

—

Three days into the trip some of the people with stronger visions started talking in their sleep. Luckily, I was not one of them. Not yet.

—

On the fifth day I mumbled the name ‘Loki’ in my sleep, and questions were asked over breakfast. I said that my nightmare had become clearer and that I knew the name of the one who caused the destruction.

—

We reached the cave at the end of the seventh day. We could have gone faster but there was no real hurry. The decision was made to sleep one last night, right in the mouth of the cave, and take our turns in the morning.

I did not sleep that night. Instead I wrote my book, leaving it in the small pile near the cave. I heard the words of my classmates. Many were honest about their dreams. Some were not, they hid secrets that were given away by their dreams or nightmares.

—

Morning came and we ate in solemn silence. There were some here who would leave this world today. It was a tough decision and I noticed several others leaving books with mine in the pile, telling their parents why they had chosen to leave.

—

The first person to enter the cave returned after only a few moments, crying. They would return home to their parents and be received with joy.

The fifth person did not return. She was withdrawn and most of us suspected she had lived a rough life. We sat in silence for a moment, farewelling our classmate.

It was a slow process, we could not send another student into the cave until the previous had come out, or it was certain they would not return. So the day progressed slowly, and after the first ten we decided to start on lunch.

—

“I’m surprised Emma went, she didn’t leave a book.” My friend Kate tried to start a conversation. She had already looked at her doors and returned, content to stay in the world she knew.

I scuffed at the dirt beneath my shoe, not looking at anyone. “Maybe she wasn’t going to go but had a change of heart. I heard her mumbling the other night and that dream sounded good to me.” I said, and I began to worry that people would be upset over my choice. I remembered seeing Emma’s best friend breaking down into angry tears and ranting about how unfair it was for her to have left like that. I remembered seeing the teachers have an emergency meeting about how to tell the family that their daughter had left our world so early without so much as a note to say why.

Kate flopped down beside me, looking up at the leaves above our heads. “How could you leave behind your family in a split second decision though? Surely that’s something big and if you’re not totally sure you shouldn’t go. You can always go back to the cave after all.” One thing to note about Kate, is that she talks with her hands. Sometimes it’s an endearing trait, but sometimes if she’s sitting right next to you, you feel like you’re going to be hit by enthusiastically flailing limbs. I caught the arm closest to me and held her hand, hoping to mitigate the possible damage while I pondered my answer. “I guess. I always hear about the doors drawing you in. It’s an intense feeling, maybe she just couldn’t resist.” I found myself wondering if the single vision I have was actually two, and if I would be better off going home instead. The dreams when He conquers are terrifying.

 

Kate shook her head, pensive. “... Nah. There will always be the allure of change but there are always ties drawing you home as well.” She paused and glanced at the small pile of books, the books of the people who may or may not go home. “I saw you write a book. Were you thinking of leaving?”

“I was. I still am, I think.” I couldn’t help but to feel that I might have been making a mistake. I thought about my lie, my false dreams that I made up years ago. I knew that something had to be done. I had to tell her or she wouldn’t understand. She would be like Emma’s best friend, cursing my name once I didn’t exit the cave. After all, why would I leave if my ‘dream’ was a simple family life that is easily achievable here, why risk a nightmare? I have to tell her. I took a deep breath and stood up from the fallen tree we had been sitting on. “Let’s go for a walk, I have something to tell you about my dreams.”

She stood too and looked at me, worried. She searched my face as if trying to discern what it could be that I would tell her. “Alright.” She sounded a little apprehensive, not quite understanding what the fuss could be about. 

As we walked away from the camp, she continued to talk to me, guessing that I had intended to leave and trying to convince me to stay. “But don’t you want to have a soulmate, to go to university, to stay here? Would you just leave your family like this? Your friends for worlds you don’t even know?” Her tone was perplexed and slightly indignant as she pitched her case.

I looked around at the trees, deciding that we were far enough away from the rest of our classmates that there would be no risk of being overheard, but close enough not to get in trouble with the teachers. I turned to her and looked her in the eye, wanting her to believe me, but fearing what she might say in reply. “There’s only one world that I’ll end up in. I only have one dream.” I hesitated at first, but then the words spilled out like a flood. “It’s a dream focusing on a man of great power, the power to conquer, destroy, or save, or damn, or raze entire worlds. He is magnificent but terrifying and awe inspiring and I know I need to go. Every one of my dreams is about Him, and I must assume they’re the same world because He never changes. He does different things every time but He’s the same and He’s beautiful”

“... What.” She sounded like this was the last thing she could have possibly expected to hear. “How can you have just one dream, everyone knows that you have both a dream and a nightmare. Heck, you’ve been sharing your dream and nightmare with us for years. Have you been lying to me, this whole damn time?” She began to sound angry. “Are you lying to me now? How can you only have one dream, how is that even possible? ”

“I have lied, and I’m sorry. I lied about having both a dream and a nightmare” I give her the book I was reading, the one left by the last single dreamer. “I couldn’t tell anyone. I have to go through that door.”

“You don’t ‘have’ to do anything. Your life is not ruled by some stupid dream! What I’m mad about it you lying to me for years!” She looked at me, betrayed and angry. “How could you? I shared my secrets with you and thought you trusted me in return.”

“I do trust you Kate,” I implored her to understand. “You’re the only one I’ve told. My parents don’t even know. In that book, the book of the first known single dreamer, it says that the pull towards the door is irresistible. I’ve felt it for three years now. It’s been pulling me since the very first dream and I’m so close that my dream is almost tangible. How can I possibly turn away now?” I don’t want to leave after fighting with Kate, but I can see that I can’t stay. I thought that maybe I just shouldn’t go into the cave at all. I know that once I go in there, there’s no way I’ll leave. “It’s not that I want to, I have to. In that book he calls it ‘destiny’s vision’.”

Kate stared at me in disbelief and I wondered if she believed me at all. Her shoulders were hunched and her arms crossed in front of her defensively. “Then change your destiny. That’s the whole reason that we have free choice.” She looked like she didn’t know whether to hug me, hit me, or cry. I felt about the same.

I tried to calm myself and put a hand on her shoulder. “What if I told you the same thing about finding your soulmate.” I knew that was a tense subject for her, most of her reason for staying was her partner, but I also wanted her to understand, to forgive me. “Don’t let your life be ruled by a dream. Choose your own partner.”

She looked up at me, indignation clear on her face. “That’s different! That’s love. And I would be choosing my own partner, my soulmate is perfect for me in every way. That’s why they’re my soulmate.”

I nodded and smiled, seeing that the analogy would work. “My dream world is perfect for me. It’s exactly the same principle. It scares me sometimes, but you said that your relationship was scary for you too.” I know I don’t have a soulmate. There are so few single dreamers and very few people would find my vision to be anything but a nightmare. It also wouldn’t really be fair to find my soulmate because it seems inevitable that I’ll eventually enter my door.

Her face opened in realisation, understanding. She calmed and took ahold of my hands. “I just want you to be sure that this is right for you. This is so, so early to go through the cave. You haven’t even really lived yet.” She implored me to stay, but understood now why I wanted to leave.

“I’ve been sure since my 16th birthday, my first dream. That night I didn’t know if I’d seen my dream or my nightmare. Turns out it was both and it’s beautiful.”

She reluctantly nodded her understanding and lead me over to a patch of grass. She sat and patted the space beside her. I shrugged and sat down too, leaning on the tree behind me. “You said a name in your sleep the other night. You said he was the one who destroyed everything in your nightmare. Why would you want to enter that world? And who is he?” She questioned, eyes alight with curiosity as she had evidently decided that if she couldn’t change my mind, she might as well grill me for information.

“His name is Loki. I don’t know His whole story but I know He has incredible powers and I know it's my destiny to fight with Him, for Him. The dream changes, sometimes he burns the world and rises from ashes, sometimes he saves the people from whatever destroyed their land. He never changes though.”

She leant back against the tree as well, heaving a sigh. “... Well, as much as I was a bit confused and rather angry, I’ll support you. I just hope that you’ll make a choice that allows you to be happy.”

I let several seconds pass in silence as I considered what she said. “I think I’ll be happy there. I know it’ll take time to get things right but I know,” I paused, looking for the correct wording. “It’ll be perfect. He’s perfect.”

Her face broke into a grin and moments later she began to laugh. “Are you sure you don’t support the whole ‘soulmates’ thing? Because you sound like Amelia did last year after seeing hers for the first time.” She beamed at me, almost challenging me to refute it as she laughed.

“Well, I doubt I have a ‘soulmate’, but if I do, it’s him. There’s never going to be anyone else with the same dream as me. It’s just not possible. You thought it sounded more like a nightmare at first, I know you did, I saw your face.” I’m not sure what showed on my face, but it was probably not a happy look. Kate is my best friend and I knew she would be sad to see me go, but she trusts me, it’s not like we’re little kids anymore. She would understand.

“Eh, I guess.” Kate hugged me and I hugged her back. I knew I would miss her. “Just don’t do anything stupid okay? I know you said it was your destiny to fight for him, but you’re about as intimidating as a butterfly on a marshmallow.” And with that, we began to laugh.

—

I stood at the mouth of the cave without a trace of my earlier confidence. My thoughts consumed me. ‘If I enter, I will leave. If I stay, maybe I’ll go to university, stay with Kate, get a job, get a cat, take up a hobby. Maybe I can just write books about my dreams, pretend they’re mere stories. And what about my family? What will they think? Will my book be submitted to the archive where I found the book of the other single dreamer? Will they miss me? What will my family think when they find out I lied? Oh gods I should have told them. Maybe I should just go back and tell them. They deserve to know right? I can always come back after all and I-’

In the turmoil of my thoughts I closed my eyes. Being this close to the cave, that was enough to start a dream. I saw Him again and I knew that whatever I choose, I’d end up through there eventually. Did I really want to walk away now? So close to Him?

No. The answer to that question was No.  
—

Before me was a single door, simple and solid.

I closed my eyes for a moment and saw Him again. He radiated power, even in my mind’s eye and my decision was made.

I stepped forward and opened the door.  
I stepped forward and closed the door behind me.  
I stepped forward and the door behind me disappeared.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!!I hope you enjoyed! Comments are food and kudos are water, writers need both to survive!
> 
> There might end up being two versions of this story down the line so it might get shifted around a bunch, sorry about that in advance.


End file.
